Finish Line

Monday, July 3rd, 2017

Meetings, contracts, deadlines.
Homebase is a chair and a screen.

Hours, minutes, seconds.
Competition within the team.

E-mails, forms, logins.
Smiles are seldom seen.

Corporate America.

Beach, moped, heat.
Freedom to roam, wherever that may be.

Sun, waves, moon.
To a mountain, a field, or the sea.

Temples, gardens, markets.
No time, all love, me.

The World.


Tuesday, June 27th, 2017

Turns out sleeping on the floor of my apartment isn’t the greatest for my back. Feeling a bit sluggish and achy today, but I only have two more nights left! The light at the end of the tunnel is lookin’ pretty bright right now!

Yesterday, I did another huge Goodwill run; plus, dropped off more books to the Free Little Library, cleaned my blinds (oh man were they dirty!!) and sorted out a few more to-do items.

The best was canceling internet at Comcast. As I was at Comcast, the clerk asked me why I needed to cancel. Other than the fact that I was paying an arm and a leg for internet and Comcast is the devil (I left that part out), I told him I was moving. A conversation began about my adventure to Bali and he asked if I was nervous. I immediately said, “Not at all.”

To me, it’s somewhat shocking that I don’t have an ounce of nervousness or worry. Who am I?!?! I used to be nervous arriving at a bar earlier than my friends because I’d have to sit all by myself and wait. Sad, but true.

I told the Comcast guy that I’m going into this new chapter with a blind faith. I can’t predict or expect anything to go a particular way, so I can only go with the flow. Anything can happen and I’m ready for it all. Canceling Comcast and going to a foreign country with no agenda? Now that’s freedom.

This morning, I came across an excerpt from a book I read over a year ago: How to Be an Adult by David Richo. It’s amazing to see the progress I’ve made since a year ago – finally following my intuition. It’s fascinating paying attention to how your body physiologically responds to decisions, interactions, and thoughts. When it comes to me leaving work to travel, it just feels right. No doubt, no worry, no ping at the heart.

It seems so simple, but it took me a long time and a lot of work to start paying attention to my heart, rather than my head. Start noticing – I promise good things will come from it.



Marry Your Field

Tuesday, June 20th, 2017

I want to share an excerpt from a book that was like candy for the mind. Every chapter was a fun twist on life and while I was reading it, every day started out feeling like I was waking up in a new, giant playground. The book is called Sidewalk Oracles: Playing with Signs, Symbols, and Synchronocity in Everyday Life by Robert Moss. It’s the type of book that frequently makes you stop and ask, “Was this book written specifically for me?”

I think about this particular excerpt daily. I don’t want to say too much about it because I think everyone will interpret it in their own unique way. All I can say is that even today, I made sure to gather some “bouquets.”

I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Twelve Rules of Kairomancy (the art of divination through special moments)

Rule #10: Marry Your Field

‘The poet marries the language, and out of this marriage the poem is born.’ This beautiful, passionate statement was made by W. H. Auden, and it takes us right inside the crucible in which all creative action is born. It’s sexy, it’s spiritual, it makes your heart beat faster, it puts a champagne fizz of excitement into the air. It suffuses everything around with incredible light, so you feel you are seeing the curve of a flower stem or the bubbles in a glass for the very first time.

Such depth, such passion, such focused rapture is not only the province of poets, though we may need poetic speech to suggest what and how it is. Are you with me now? I am talking about you, and me, and the creative leap we can and will make as the year turns. The essence of the creative act is to bring something new into the world. You may have no earthly idea, at this moment, about how exactly you can do that.

So let me offer some eminently practical guidance, based on what Augean said about the roots of creation: start by marrying your field.

What is your field? It’s no work in the ordinary sense, or what your diplomas say you are certified to do, or how you describe yourself in a job resume – although it can encompass all of those things. Your field is where you ache to be. Your field is what you will do, day or night, for the sheer joy of the doing, without counting the cost or the consequences. Your field is the territory within which you can do the Work that your deeper life is calling you to do. Your field is not limitless. You can’t bring anything into creative manifestation without accepting a certain form or channel, which requires you to set limits and boundaries. So your field is also the place within which the creative force that is in you will develop a form.

If you are going to bring something new into your world, find the field you will marry, as the poet marries language, as the artist marries color and texture, as the chef marries taste and aroma, as the swimmer marries the water.

Let’s say that you have a notion that your creative act may involve writing. Maybe you even think you have a book, or a story or a screenplay, in you. For you, marrying the field will require you to marry words and be their constant lover. You’ll engage in orgies of reading, have tantric sex with a first (or third) draft. You’ll kiss your lover in the morning by writing before you go out into the world, and when you go out, you’ll gather bouquets for your sweetheart by collecting fresh material from the call of a bird, the rattle of a streetcar, the odd accent of that guy on the cell phone, that unexpected phrase in the ad in the subway car.

You’ll work at all this, because marriages aren’t always sweet. Some days, you may hardly be on speaking terms. Some days, you feel your partner hates you or is cheating on you with someone else, maybe the fellow who just got a piece in the New Yorker or is merely in front of the mike in the neighborhood poetry slam. But you carry on. You fetch the groceries. You tuck your partner into bed at night and promise to dream together.

And out of this constancy – through tantrums and all – will come that blaze of creation when the sun shines at midnight, when time will stop or speed up for you, as you will when you are so deep in the Zone that no move can be wrong. Depending on your choice of theme and direction, you may find you are joined by other creative intelligences, reaching to you from across time and dimensions in that blessed union that another poet, Yeats, defined as the ‘mingling of minds.’

When the sun no longer shines at midnight, when you are back on clock time, you won’t waste yourself regretting that today you’re not in the Zone. You are still married. You’ll do the work that now belongs to the Work.

I hope you had a beautiful Summer Solstice.

More To You That You Have Yet To Know

Thursday, June 15th, 2017

Everything just seems to be better when you’re on a staycation.

This past week while dogsitting has been full of relaxation, movies, quality friend time, and of course my love, Abby.

And don’t forget, SLEEP.

What is it about getting away from my normal routine that makes me want to cook more (thanks to Heather for inspiring me with her cooking!), walk more, and relax more? I love my apartment, but when I take a step back and look at it, it all makes sense why I’ve always felt a little trapped. I live on the ground floor, middle unit, with I-5 constantly buzzing across the street and the blinds shut for privacy, blocking all light.

It’s been tough reaching that place of ‘zen’ while packing and preparing to move. The stress of wrapping things up at work and trying to knock everything off my to-do list is pretty exhausting. I can’t do too much on my to-do list while I’m dogsitting, so I’m taking full advantage of this time “off.”

I came across a quote that my friend recently sent me and it tickled those zen gears in my brain that I’ve been having trouble reaching lately. Sometimes all it takes is a cuddle with Abby and a profound quote that reminds me that there is so much more to come. Everything is all a part of the process, the good and the stressful.

There are stars you haven’t seen and loves you haven’t loved. There’s light you haven’t felt and sunrises yet to dawn. There are dreams you haven’t dreamt and days you haven’t lived and nights you won’t forget and flowers yet to grow. There is more to you that you have yet to know.
-Gaby Compres

Isn’t life grand??

Welcome to Zen.

Bring it On

Thursday, June 1st, 2017

I can’t believe it’s JUNE!!

In the next two months, I’ve got 9 work events that I’ll either be managing or participating in… On top of the events, I’ll be packing, moving, dogsitting, training my replacement, and trying to fit in quality time with family and friends.

It would be so easy for me to be overcome with anxiety. But I’m not going to let that happen! One day at a time. And any time I do get a little bout of stress, I’ll just picture myself on the beach with a Bintang in hand. It’ll all get done, no matter what.

Today is the first event of 9: Weather Education Day with the Mariners. I have a good feeling it’ll go smoothly and the kids attending will be happy!

Bring. It. On.


Love of the Unknown

Sunday, May 14, 2017

3 months from today, I will be on a plane back to Bali. In some ways, 3 months feels like it’s coming up way too quickly, yet in other ways, it feels like an eternity.

3 months isn’t much time logistically. I have to move out of my apartment, manage 8 work events before my last day, dogsit for a couple of weeks, and complete what feels like a million little tasks. All while trying to enjoy the Summer that us Seattleites have waited so many rainy months for. I’ve got my work cut out for me. Part of me feels guilty right now sitting at a coffee shop reading and writing and not going through more of my belongings, sorting out what is important enough to keep. It’s an emotional, exhausting project and takes all of my energy.

Yesterday I threw away my Iced White Mocha Halloween costume and I’ll admit, I teared up a bit. It’s been one of my favorite costumes (aside from my Chipotle burrito costume, of course), and I was proud I created it with items from around my apartment. But what was I holding onto it for? I’m not going to wear it again and it’s not like I’m going to pull it out every few months to admire. It was just taking up space in my time capsule full of things that could be considered vintage at this point. As I continue to go through items, I need to remember that sometimes I don’t need the object associated with a memory. I’ll never forget that Halloween with or without my paper towel roll headband covered in green duct tape.

On the other hand, 3 months feels extremely far away. In 3 months, so much can happen. I’ve already gone through a gammut of emotions, and it’s only been a week since I made it official. I’d like to think that I’ll remain completely unfaltered in my decision. There have certainly been moments when I’ve had mini-freak outs, but they usually come after conversations with people who give me the vibe that it’s not a smart idea.

“Are you independently wealthy or something??”

Ha! No, definitely not. Bali is very cheap and I’ve been putting some money aside for a while now. Do I wish I had more money to assure that I can stay longer and not worry about immediately looking for a job when I return? Definitely. But again, if not now, when? I could stay at my job and keep saving, even though it’s nearly impossible to save with my salary and the costs of living in Seattle now. Or I could get a new job that pays more, but I’d be stuck yet again.

The time is now, whether I’m “independently wealthy” or not.

Obviously, traveling to a foreign country with no set plan is likely to be a main topic in conversations these days. And through these conversations, it feels like I’m seeing a unique side to everyone I talk to. What they would do if they quit their job and did something totally out there. My favorite is noticing how others perceive time. When I tell people I’m leaving mid-August, half of the people say, “Whoa! That’s soon!” And the other half say, “Oh so you’ve got plenty of time.” I find it fascinating what time means to others.

I’ve also had a few people open up to me about really personal matters. That they’re going through a similar situation where they feel stuck and they want to get unstuck. I used to love giving advice to my friends, usually about listening to our intuition. But every time I did, I always felt like somewhat of a fraud. I listen to my intuition all the time, but it hasn’t really been until now that I’ve followed it. No one should take advice from me if I’m not following my own beliefs. It’s like someone who has been divorced three times giving advice on marriage. I want to receive advice from people who are a living example of what they’re saying. To my friends who have really opened up to me, I hope I can inspire you by being a sort of guinea pig for taking a ridiculous leap of faith. I’m finally following my own advice.

As I go along this new path, I hope to keep writing and sharing experiences. It’s a very unique time in my life and this blog is a great way to keep my head on straight. But I have been struggling with it’s intention. Sort of like my vision board that I mentioned in my previous post, it’s important for me to have a vision and always have it in the back of my mind while I write.

Quite a few people have mentioned that maybe this blog could eventually become a way to make an income. A “travel writer.” I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about that idea. Knowing I’m going to be unemployed means I’ll grasp at anything that could potentially bring in money. Some people have suggested trying to find sponsors, writing freelance for my station, or gain a following through social media to bring in advertising dollars. I noticed when that little seed was planted, I subtly changed the style of my writing…and I didn’t like it. My post about my new sandals used to say, “I couldn’t decide between Tevas or Chacos, and I’m really happy I went with Tevas! Best $80 I’ve spent!” It wasn’t authentic; it wasn’t me. I have since changed the post to reflect what those sandals actually mean to me.

As I looked back and read through more of my posts, I felt like I was writing too much and rambling. I thought in order to keep a clean blog and hold readers’ attention, I should keep my posts short and concise. That makes for a successful blog, according to articles on how to become a professional blogger. But you know what? I write a lot. My mind goes every which way and it’s hard to keep up with it. But this is just who I am. So I’m going to write as long as my meandering mind wants me to.

So what’s my intention with this blog?

It’s simply to share my view of the world via words, pictures, and sounds…and learning from it. Simple as that. If you know me, you know I love reading and writing. I especially love learning. My view of the world has morphed quite a bit in the past few years, and I know this because I have so many journals documenting what mattered to me at the time. By keeping track of these different phases of life on paper, I’ve been able to see my growth and when important transitions have occurred. Now I can notice triggers for particular emotions and certain patterns I tend to get myself into. So this ‘journal’ is a new beginning. A time in my life when I finally feel unstuck. A time when the fear of the unknown is also the greatest excitement. I can’t wait to see what lessons will be gained.

So if you’re reading this, it means you’re important to me. And it means I can be myself around you. Thank you for taking the time to follow along on this crazy ass chapter of my life. I couldn’t do this without the support of YOU.

3 months…I’ve got all the time in the world.

p.s. Happy Mother’s Day – I love you, Momma!

Love of the Unknown

Vision Board

Saturday, May 13, 2017
Last Spring, I joined a group of women in a workshop called, “BeingSelf Love.” My friend’s sister and her best friend wanted to lead a monthly class that discussed chakras, self care, and spirituality. We all read 7 books over the course of 7 months and got together each of these months. The theme of the class would be whichever chakra we were studying in that month, starting with the root chakra ascending to the crown chakra. The first half of the workshop each Sunday was a lesson and the second half was when we ‘processed’. It was definitely an “out there” kind of workshop for me to join – we meditated and dug very deep into the core of our feelings. During the process portion, we would talk out what was going on in the depths of our mind and it would become very emotional. Sometimes releasing all that energy is helpful, especially when you’re around supportive friends. I loved the workshop and I learned so much about myself. My favorite book we read was “Wheels of Life.” It had chapters on each of the 7 chakras and it was while I was reading this book that I started shifting my perspective on life.

Being open-minded toward this new way of thinking was how I got to where I am now. I would still be stuck if it weren’t for these women, classes, and books. On our last class, we were asked to make a vision board for ourselves. It was such a perfect project for me to do because it forced me to think about how I want my life to play out. When was the last time you envisioned what you hope your life to be? I grew up thinking that by the time I’d turn 30, I’d be married and have a kid. Pretty standard for the American dream. And I’m nowhere close to it right now. But with this project, it showed me that there isn’t a timeline. I have a few key goals and am trusting that I will reach them at some point in my life, no number about it. Adventure, Love, and Family.

As I’m going through my apartment in the beginning steps of moving, I’m digging deep again, like I would during each of those classes. I’m opening drawers full of items from my ‘prior life.’ Each drawer is like a different phase of my twenty-something years. Two Cosmopolitan magazines. Can’t believe I used to buy that shit. 4 bottles of tanning lotion. 10 bottles of perfume. 14 purses. 1 pair of fake Prada sunglasses. The things I did to attempt to fit in…

So. Much. STUFF. So. Not. ME.

Above my desk in my bedroom is my vision board. I typically get ready for work every morning at my desk, but I rarely take the time to look up at it and think about it. A few days before my Bali vacation, I took this picture. I finally did take a moment to look at it again and at the time, I felt that my “Wild at Heart” adventure was about to begin. I look at it now and I smile – it is beginning!

I appreciate the vision board because envisioning how I hope my future to be, it’s been subconsciously on my mind. It seems so simple, but even those little photos are like seeds being planted in this blooming journey. Whether I notice it or not, my mind will have these goals as a focus and everything I do will be in the direction of these hopes and dreams. Who knew a DIY vision board could be so powerful?!