Friday, March 16th, 2018
Recently, I’ve been trying to justify who I am and the interests I have. Before telling people certain things about me, I’ve noticed I give them disclaimers: “I know this sounds weird…” “So this is not super normal…” “This sounds hippy dippy, but…” I wouldn’t say I’m ashamed of who I am, but I do worry that people will judge me for my interests and beliefs. But I worry because I know it happens. I’ve worked so hard on accepting everyone for who they are (which if we’re all being honest, this is really hard to do and I still struggle with it). We all have a past, an upbringing, and reasons for who we have become. Wouldn’t it be awesome if we lived in a world where everyone was 100% authentic 100% of the time? I’d be dancing everywhere I go!
While I was in Bali, it was a euphoric feeling because I could be 100% myself and I didn’t feel like I was weird. Instead I felt like everyone on that island was weird with me. Being weird was normal…does that even make sense? Now that I’m back in Seattle, I’m still doing my best to be completely myself, but the fear of judgment does create a sort of block. I put my books faced down so people won’t see what I’m reading. I make sure to tell people where I used to work, so they know I’m capable of having a ‘real job.’ I sometimes play mainstream music around others so they don’t judge my taste in the music I truly love. I don’t know if I’m the only one who does this, but I hide who I truly am for fear of not being accepted.
So here’s my metaphorical mountain top that I’m going to scream at the top of my lungs who I am. I don’t want to hide anymore – I want to own my identity – I will no longer be ashamed – no more disclaimers!!
I AM MO!!! I AM WEIRD!!! WE’RE ALL WEIRD!!!
I initially wanted to write a list of all the little intricacies about me…but if we know each other and you have been reading along on this journey, you already have a pretty good idea of who Mo is. And to the people in my life who have embraced who I am and stood by my side, I am always grateful for you. And I love all the little things that make you you. Props to all of you who don’t hide who you are – you inspire me! Our weirdness and quirks make us unique individuals and we should showcase that to the world!
And I just now received a picture from a friend of her hand next to a teeny, tiny pistachio. “The smallest pistachio,” she wrote. YES! This is what I’m talking about!
Okay, I’ll stop now… About to go pick up my favorite twins and go PLAY!
And what song just started playing in my ear buds? “I Can See Clearly Now” by Jimmy Cliff.
It’s gonna be a bright, sunshiney day!
Who are YOU and what makes you weird/awesome? What are you feeding your mind?