Authentic

Monday, September 25th, 2017

I don’t feel safe anymore…

In the past 3 days, I’ve probably only slept about 5 hours. The threat of Mount Agung erupting isn’t this once-in-a-lifetime spectacle anymore where people sit at Sunset Point and secretly hope it happens while they’re watching. It’s serious now…businesses are shutting down. Tourists are canceling their trips. Tensions are high and there’s a constant, subtle vibration. It feels like something is brewing. It’s very real now.

I have been trying so hard to remain positive, warm, and fuzzy, but I need to be honest. I am feeling fear now. For multiple reasons. All I know is that I will be leaving Amed in the morning to head South. I will be with Francisca and that makes me feel safe.

It’s a little before 4am and I’ve been FaceTiming family and friends to keep me distracted from the ominous energy. I still find it funny that a few days ago, all was well and I was about to have a technology-detox..and then the rumblings started. I’ve been using technology nonstop to keep in touch with loved ones. As I was talking with Kris, I mentioned that I didn’t know what to do…I will have trouble sleeping with this movement and I need to kill time before the sun comes up. She recommended I do something that will get my head into a positive space like yoga or meditation.

Writing is my yoga and my meditation right now…

Three Little Birds

I’ve been waiting for the right time to share this story, and well, I think this is the right time. It was one of the most incredible experiences I’ve ever had, and right now, the memory is saving me.

When I lived in Greenlake, I was in love with my Monday and Tuesday Modo Yoga classes. One particular class happened right after the election. The Seattle Winter had been very tough for everyone, it seemed. Constant rain, several snow days, and barely any sunshine. And then the “T” word happened. A lot of negative energy was swirling in our Universe. Yoga was a great way to get back into balance.

Kylie led the class and it was a wonderful practice as usual. And then we reached savasana. The room was full of sweaty, tired bodies soaking up what Kylie was sharing with us. She told us that there is a strange energy in the world right now and that this is the most important time for everyone to be our authentic selves. There is truth and positivity if everyone is real and authentic. So she told us that she sings…but only in front of her daughter. Not even her husband.

“I want to sing for all of you right now.”

She sang the most beautiful melody that made our relaxed bodies even more calm. I didn’t even have to look around, I knew everyone was doing the same thing: smiling or crying. I was doing both.

After she sang, she turned on the song, “Three Little Birds,” by Bob Marley. The smiles got wider and the tears got a little more plump.

And then the entire class joined. We all sang along with Bob and Kylie. Yogis were harmonizing and we filled the whole room with happiness and authenticity. “Don’t worry, ’bout a thing, cuz every little thing is gonna be alright.” It was a profound moment and it was exactly what we needed.

This is one of the only stories I tell that gives me goosebumps EVERY time I share it. Even writing it now, goosebumps. I live that savasana over and over in my mind.

After this class, I thought about it constantly. “Am I being my true, authentic self?” Most of the time, my answer was, “No.”

So I went to work. Not work work…but worked on myself. I wrote, I tapped into my creativity, I had deep conversations and went on long walks (another favorite form of meditation). I made a vision board, practiced yoga, and stopped falling asleep to my TV. I read like no other. I chose the happy and positive thoughts. I started being honest with people…and myself.

This would be a good time for me to share a picture of a delicious meal on the beach with a cocktail and say, “It worked.” But here I am, sitting in my shaking bed hoping time speeds up and praying Agung doesn’t erupt. Not necessarily paradise right now.

But you know what? I have this feeling that I will get to a new place, enjoy a nice meal with Francisca, maybe do a salsa dance, and actually fall asleep. And I have this feeling my good dreams will return.

Every little thing is gonna be alright.

Please keep Bali in your prayers. We need all the positive energy we can get! I feel your support and you have no idea how much I love all of you. Yeah, YOU. ❀

p.s. Natalie, thank you for printing out my entries for Gramma – love you. Gramma, I’ve been curious if anything about Agung has made it on the Weather Channel. I wish I could be with you right now, eating your kiss cookies! I love you – I will be safe!!

15 comments

  1. Oh Mo!! It seems I have been doing a lot of praying lately-for my family in Florida, for my family in Puerto Rico and now for you, my friend. We are all feeling the weird energy in the world right now, but unfortunately, you are feeling it directly.

    I am glad you have your friend Francesca, and that you are moving on to a safer place. You are in our thoughts and prayers and as they say in Spain (our current home for the next 3 weeks)…Via con dios. We’ll be waiting for word from you.

    Love,
    Elaine and Michael

    Like

  2. I love your stories and sharing and authenticity. Thank you for allowing us into your world, your discoveries, your self-awareness, and your heart. Sending warm hugs.

    Like

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