Monday, September 18th, 2017
I know why I’m doing what I’m doing. Why I’m in Bali. Why I left my job, my city, my life as I knew it and set off by myself to the other side of the world.
It’s because of the way I shifted my way of thinking.
A few years ago, I became a bit more self-aware and started being more observant of my surroundings and how certain things made me feel. I started noticing patterns I’d get myself into. I started listening to my gut. I paid attention to signs and found meaning in everything. I read book after book after book. I slowly stopped caring about materialistic things, hashtags, and fitting in. I began to think a bit deeper.
I started looking at my life as if it’s an unfolding story that I am internally writing at all times. I am the main character and the storyteller. I stopped going through every day blindly, waiting for things to come my way. Instead, I began to dictate the story of my life. I asked myself, “If my life were written out in a book, would it be a story worth reading?”
For quite some time, I felt I was leading a life that was simple and…expected. And that was okay. Single female with a busy social life, a good job, and an apartment in a growing city. But deep down, I wanted to make a change.
I started journaling in a way that I’d never done before. I started journaling from the voice of my intuition. It was as if I was having a conversation with myself, but on paper. At first, I felt like a lunatic. Not writing in first-person was a bit odd and crazy. But I really started tapping into my inner voice and writing became a constant companion. It was like a friend I could turn to at any moment.
You know that little voice in your head? That’s your intuition. I started really paying attention to it, because it’s surprisingly really easy to ignore.
For example, if someone hands me a menu and there are three sandwiches listed: Chicken Sandwich, Pulled Pork Sandwich, and a Reuben, I will feel very torn. Do I get the Pulled Pork or the Reuben? I love both so much. Decisions, decisions. But my little voice, my intuition, is saying, “Duh, you know what you’re going to order. Don’t spend any more time looking at this menu trying to decide.” And then I order a Reuben. Duh.
Obviously, my intuition helps with more things than ordering a sandwich…
At the beginning of this year, I started writing more and more from this positive voice in my head. Nearly 70 pages in a month. Maybe I am a lunatic, but it seemed to work.
In March of this year, this is what I wrote:
That’s a word that you love, but also terrifies you. Change is coming up. Big changes. You know it and you can’t run away from the change anymore. You will be moving somewhere and you will be changing jobs. Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to. Trust me. Trust yourself.
It has been really incredible looking back at what I was journaling and seeing how it is now coming true. A month after this entry, I was vacationing in Bali and it was the start of my big change. The shift in my story.
Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. – Benjamin Franklin
I left everything to come to Bali to start a life worth writing about. This is what motivates me.
Will I stay? I don’t know the answer yet. Did I make a mistake like I’ve sometimes wondered? No. Do I miss Reuben sandwiches? Hell yes. Am I happy? Very much so.
Am I doing something worth writing about? I’d like to think so.