Saturday, August 12th, 2017
It’s the middle of the night and I can’t sleep.
2 days left…
The doubt, the fear, and the nerves have all made their presence known. Whenever people asked me if I was nervous to go to Bali alone, without a job or a plan, I would immediately respond, “Not at all.” And the truth was, I wasn’t nervous at all. I don’t know why, but now I’m nervous. It’s all becoming real…so real, that my mind is spinning like a tornado. I quit my job. I gave away the majority of my belongings. I am leaving my friends and Seattle. And I have no plan. These past few months, it felt liberating. Now? I feel like I’m crazy for doing all this! There’s a voice in my head that’s telling me that I’m nuts and I should have stuck to what I knew, what was comfortable. I’ve lost touch with my positive intuition that was guiding me down a new path.
I was working so damn hard to wrap loose ends up at work, say goodbye to everyone, train my replacement, and mentally prepare for a wild adventure. Pushing myself that hard has manifested into a nasty cold that I’ve been dealing with while home in Spokane. I know I’m not myself when I actually turn down my Gramma’s cookies. WHAT IS HAPPENING?!
Also, a painful issue showed up and I’m terrified that it might actually prevent me from getting on the plane in 2 days. So damn terrified.
I wish I could have been writing happy, whimsical updates this past week, but this is my truth right now. I promised myself that I wouldn’t hold back in sharing my journey, and unfortunately, it’s not always perfect. I’m experiencing setbacks and I will do my best to kick that negative voice out of my head.
I’ve been receiving so many pep talks from my family and sweet notes from friends that are keeping me going. Some of you have said you’re rooting for me…you have no idea how much that helps me right now. I didn’t think I’d need support, so thank you for believing in me.
I’ve been tossing and turning all night – it’s amazing how writing this all out helps calm my mind. I’m grateful for this outlet…and I’m also very grateful for you.