New Beginning

Thursday, May 18, 2017

This one’s a two-fer.

1. “Shedding the Shit.”


When I first started going through all my stuff a couple weeks ago, I came up with a campaign for myself: Shedding the Shit! I feel like a dog, shedding all of it’s hair at the first signs of Spring. Getting rid of what’s no longer needed.

So tonight, I tackled my closet. Not all of it, just what’s on my hangers. I’m surprised that the wooden pole never collapsed under all the weight of my sequins, zippers, and heavy memories.

At first, I channeled “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.” I’d hold each item of clothing and ask my intuition to respond to the question: “Does this bring me joy?” It worked for the most part, but my mind kept getting distracted each time I’d grab the next dress. My mind would wander to the last time I wore whatever I was holding. Memories were flooding back. I found it interesting that I look at my clothes every morning, yet I completely avoid half of what is right in front of me. I decided to switch up my technique of shedding my shit. I’d ask myself (1) if I have worn this in the past year, (2) if I’ve ever worn the item in the first place (I was surprised to see a large pile of clothes I’ve never actually worn), and lastly (3) am I holding onto a memory that I should let go of?

-Sequin dress: The only time I wore this dress was to the wedding of a couple that has recently celebrated their 4 year anniversary and now have a newborn. Let the dress go, Mo…

-Green blouse: The sole reason for keeping this top is for St. Patrick’s Day.

+T-shirt dress: After going to so many yoga classes, my mind and my body have become much healthier. I’m the fittest I’ve ever been, so when I wear my t-shirt dress, I rock it.

-White, lace dress: Never worn. I don’t attend many fancy events that warrant a white, lacy dress, aside from weddings. And the last thing I’ll wear to a wedding is the bride’s color.

+Pink and red sweater: My Mom saw me try it on in the Denver Target. I didn’t buy it, but she ended up mailing it to me when I got back to Seattle.

-Black and white striped dress (and 4 other sweaters): I always feel like a prisoner when I wear black and white stripes.

+Tie-die tank top: I held a baby alligator in a swamp in New Orleans while wearing this top. His name was Cash Money.

-Red sweater: The last time I wore this sweater was when I was extremely depressed. It was one of the darkest times of my life. I wore it to our holiday party that was held on a boat on Lake Union. There were a lot of people in a small space, and I made the poor decision of choosing red wine to drink. Someone accidentally knocked the wine on my sweater and I still have a tiny remnant of that stain, a year and a half later. After the spill, I ran to the bathroom to clean myself off and I ended up retreating for a while. I drank what was left of my wine in a bathroom stall, feeling trapped on the boat. That’s a whole different story, but this sweater reminds me of a very dark time. I’m so happy I’m no longer in that mental space. I’m so happy to finally discard that stained sweater.

+Patterned dress: I wore this dress during my first Make-A-Wish mileage drive. I was the lead during the event and I had no idea how much Make-A-Wish would end up impacting my life. We raised over 6 million airline miles for kids with life-threatening illnesses on this day.

-Blue halter top: Worn at my 22nd birthday party at Dante’s. Enough said.

-White blouse: I wore this sweater when I was really uncomfortable with my body. It was extra-large and it was my way of hiding.

+Turqoise blouse: It’s my favorite color and I wore it on my one-day trip to Culver City for the Wheel of Fortune taping. As I sat in Vanna White’s dressing room and looked at her closet full of dresses, I had to keep pinching myself to make sure it wasn’t a dream.

The list goes on…

I kept a lot of great clothes and now my closet is (half-way) full of clothes I will actually wear and memories that make me happy. Shedding the shit. Keeping the good.


2. “For Whitney.”

I called my friend Heather to catch up and give her the update on my one-way ticket. She’s one of my rocks. Always there for me – always supportive – and just gets me.

As soon as I told her the news, she was so so happy. I could hear her smile through the phone.

She asked me, “So when are you leaving? Wait…no…when does your next chapter start?”

I told her, “August 14.”

She was quiet and then starting tearing up. She mentioned she was going to cry and I could tell she was fighting it back.

“Don’t cry! There’s still plenty of time!” I thought maybe she was crying because the date was coming up relatively soon.

Then she said, “Do you remember me telling you about my best friend growing up who was killed in an accident?”

I definitely remember; that death has shaken Heather. They were best friends and she died too young. Heather still thinks about her frequently and I’ve heard her talk about her several times. Even after all these years, she is still very much in Heather’s life.

“August 14 is Whitney’s birthday.”

We both started crying. I never met Whitney, but I feel like in some way she’ll be an Angel for me on this leap of faith. August 14 will be a special day in more ways than one.


P.s. Heather, the song that just came on as I was selecting this photo is “Secrets (Cellar Door).” I’ll never forget that road trip up to Bellingham. You introduced me to that song and I’ll always associate it with you and this trip to Taylor Dock. If this song were hanging in my closet, it’d be one of my favoritest, cuddliest sweaters that fits perfectly… and most importantly, brings me joy.

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