Day: May 14, 2017

Love of the Unknown

Sunday, May 14, 2017

3 months from today, I will be on a plane back to Bali. In some ways, 3 months feels like it’s coming up way too quickly, yet in other ways, it feels like an eternity.

3 months isn’t much time logistically. I have to move out of my apartment, manage 8 work events before my last day, dogsit for a couple of weeks, and complete what feels like a million little tasks. All while trying to enjoy the Summer that us Seattleites have waited so many rainy months for. I’ve got my work cut out for me. Part of me feels guilty right now sitting at a coffee shop reading and writing and not going through more of my belongings, sorting out what is important enough to keep. It’s an emotional, exhausting project and takes all of my energy.

Yesterday I threw away my Iced White Mocha Halloween costume and I’ll admit, I teared up a bit. It’s been one of my favorite costumes (aside from my Chipotle burrito costume, of course), and I was proud I created it with items from around my apartment. But what was I holding onto it for? I’m not going to wear it again and it’s not like I’m going to pull it out every few months to admire. It was just taking up space in my time capsule full of things that could be considered vintage at this point. As I continue to go through items, I need to remember that sometimes I don’t need the object associated with a memory. I’ll never forget that Halloween with or without my paper towel roll headband covered in green duct tape.

On the other hand, 3 months feels extremely far away. In 3 months, so much can happen. I’ve already gone through a gammut of emotions, and it’s only been a week since I made it official. I’d like to think that I’ll remain completely unfaltered in my decision. There have certainly been moments when I’ve had mini-freak outs, but they usually come after conversations with people who give me the vibe that it’s not a smart idea.

“Are you independently wealthy or something??”

Ha! No, definitely not. Bali is very cheap and I’ve been putting some money aside for a while now. Do I wish I had more money to assure that I can stay longer and not worry about immediately looking for a job when I return? Definitely. But again, if not now, when? I could stay at my job and keep saving, even though it’s nearly impossible to save with my salary and the costs of living in Seattle now. Or I could get a new job that pays more, but I’d be stuck yet again.

The time is now, whether I’m “independently wealthy” or not.

Obviously, traveling to a foreign country with no set plan is likely to be a main topic in conversations these days. And through these conversations, it feels like I’m seeing a unique side to everyone I talk to. What they would do if they quit their job and did something totally out there. My favorite is noticing how others perceive time. When I tell people I’m leaving mid-August, half of the people say, “Whoa! That’s soon!” And the other half say, “Oh so you’ve got plenty of time.” I find it fascinating what time means to others.

I’ve also had a few people open up to me about really personal matters. That they’re going through a similar situation where they feel stuck and they want to get unstuck. I used to love giving advice to my friends, usually about listening to our intuition. But every time I did, I always felt like somewhat of a fraud. I listen to my intuition all the time, but it hasn’t really been until now that I’ve followed it. No one should take advice from me if I’m not following my own beliefs. It’s like someone who has been divorced three times giving advice on marriage. I want to receive advice from people who are a living example of what they’re saying. To my friends who have really opened up to me, I hope I can inspire you by being a sort of guinea pig for taking a ridiculous leap of faith. I’m finally following my own advice.

As I go along this new path, I hope to keep writing and sharing experiences. It’s a very unique time in my life and this blog is a great way to keep my head on straight. But I have been struggling with it’s intention. Sort of like my vision board that I mentioned in my previous post, it’s important for me to have a vision and always have it in the back of my mind while I write.

Quite a few people have mentioned that maybe this blog could eventually become a way to make an income. A “travel writer.” I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about that idea. Knowing I’m going to be unemployed means I’ll grasp at anything that could potentially bring in money. Some people have suggested trying to find sponsors, writing freelance for my station, or gain a following through social media to bring in advertising dollars. I noticed when that little seed was planted, I subtly changed the style of my writing…and I didn’t like it. My post about my new sandals used to say, “I couldn’t decide between Tevas or Chacos, and I’m really happy I went with Tevas! Best $80 I’ve spent!” It wasn’t authentic; it wasn’t me. I have since changed the post to reflect what those sandals actually mean to me.

As I looked back and read through more of my posts, I felt like I was writing too much and rambling. I thought in order to keep a clean blog and hold readers’ attention, I should keep my posts short and concise. That makes for a successful blog, according to articles on how to become a professional blogger. But you know what? I write a lot. My mind goes every which way and it’s hard to keep up with it. But this is just who I am. So I’m going to write as long as my meandering mind wants me to.

So what’s my intention with this blog?

It’s simply to share my view of the world via words, pictures, and sounds…and learning from it. Simple as that. If you know me, you know I love reading and writing. I especially love learning. My view of the world has morphed quite a bit in the past few years, and I know this because I have so many journals documenting what mattered to me at the time. By keeping track of these different phases of life on paper, I’ve been able to see my growth and when important transitions have occurred. Now I can notice triggers for particular emotions and certain patterns I tend to get myself into. So this ‘journal’ is a new beginning. A time in my life when I finally feel unstuck. A time when the fear of the unknown is also the greatest excitement. I can’t wait to see what lessons will be gained.

So if you’re reading this, it means you’re important to me. And it means I can be myself around you. Thank you for taking the time to follow along on this crazy ass chapter of my life. I couldn’t do this without the support of YOU.

3 months…I’ve got all the time in the world.

p.s. Happy Mother’s Day – I love you, Momma!

Love of the Unknown